Vices

Everybody has their vices, my favorite vices at the moment are Ice Cream (because I have tried to cut my consumption in half, its hard when your friend works at Baskin Robbins) , art(the hours of studying of a picture leads my mind down paths that sometimes are too long to follow and sometimes they come up short) , and french fries (most junk food is easy to resist accept those darn cafeteria french fries at Southwestern).

For now I have to admit that not all vices can be contained, some are necessary for mental well-being. For instance, art. It takes my mind away from the moment and leads to day dreaming but the places my mind goes can never be translated to canvas. I like that place, so what if I day dream and scribble little sketches on my notebook?

The food is necessary for a little enjoyment, you can't deny yourself all of life's physical pleasures is to deny yourself that which has the potential to make you happy. Food brings people together, polite arguing with a new friend over which ice cream flavor better bonds you, conversation over good food leads to lightening of the conversation. Sharing a meal means sharing a distinct part of yourself, your true unadulterated tastes.

Another day of average

Today is Tuesday and that means that I am at school. School feels so draining even though all I do is sit in a classroom and absorb information like a sponge. Granted it's kind of like a sponge that you've had forever and is all dried out and needs to be replaced but some of the information is still retained. You wouldn't think a mental work out could be so exhausting. This last weekend I learned the importance of friends but I also learned the importance of being your own best friend. No best friend can be there for you all the time, only you can be there for yourself 24/7. I admit that sometimes having that outside support is nice and some experiences aren't meant to be singular, but if you are your own best friend your own happiness isn't wrapped up in another persons acceptance of you.

Weekend Enlightenment

I've discovered that happiness isn't tied to those oh so important interpersonal relationships everyone seems to find so easy when you're on the outside looking in. I realized this wekend that it's not that easy, nobody has it that easy. Everybody has to work at those relationships, and not every relationship has to work out. It's hard to come to grips with the idea that not everybody is going to like you, and you're not going to like them.

Channeling my frustrations with certain interpersonal relationships into positive actions for my own well-being is a long overdue release of tension. Soccer and laughter and being in the open air provided such a positive tension release. Best weekend in a while.

As of late...

As of late I feel like I'm slowly being suffocated by the world around me, I feel like everything is in achingly slow motion. I have fallen into a funk that I can't seem to shake. I nitpick every one around me, myself most of all. I have no faith in my body's abilities anymore, I'm slowly losing faith in my friends, I am losing faith in my own mind. I feel no drive and no motivation, I see other people smile and I only feel a deep cutting melancholy. I know I am no fun to be around anymore, even my best friend doesn't want to make plans with me anymore. I can't blame them either, I wouldn't want to hang out with the sad girl all the time either. I'm running out of life lines...